


and if we're lost (then we are lost together)

by silvergalaxy



Series: half of me is ocean, half of me is sky [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Blushing, Cabin Fic, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Summer Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 06:08:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16235738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvergalaxy/pseuds/silvergalaxy
Summary: Geno, who wormed his way into Sidney’s classroom, hockey team, and life so seamlessly it was like he was always there. Geno, who Sidney has spent every free moment with for the past ten years. Goofy, kind, exasperating, beautiful Geno, who Sidney is hopelessly in love with.Geno, who doesn’t have a clue.





	and if we're lost (then we are lost together)

**Author's Note:**

> Baby's first hockey RPF fic! There’s something so sweet about Sid/Geno that I couldn’t resist any longer. 
> 
> A few fic related notes: I have no real knowledge of Nova Scotia, but as a lifelong resident of Atlantic Canada I’ve made some educated guesses. According to [this](https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/camp-cottage-or-cabin-what-do-you-call-your-weekend-getaway/article4186858/) article, and my IRL Nova Scotian friends, Nova Scotian’s call the setting described in this fic a "cottage" (whereas I typically would use the word cabin instead) so that's what Sidney calls it in this fic. 
> 
> This takes place in the summer after their last year of high school and before they part ways for university, so these versions of Sid & Geno are both 18.
> 
> As always, if you or someone you know is depicted in this fic: 1) sorry! lol 2) hit that back button, buddy! 
> 
> Lastly, if you're the type of person who enjoys listening to some Mood Music while reading, most of this was written while listening to "[Walls](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAUMCoD5I30)" by The Lumineers, "[Welcome](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUfLJUPLIzg)" by Hey Rosetta!, and [[most importantly!!!]] "[Lost Together](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RTga8-vASc)" by Blue Rodeo.

It’s almost mid-August when Sidney finally manages to convince his parents to let him and Geno take the car and head out to the cottage for the weekend. This is the first summer Sidney can remember that won’t end with he and Geno heading back to their familiar school in their sleepy town. The frightening thought of not having Geno as a constant in his life sits heavily on Sidney’s mind as he carefully packs his overnight bag on Thursday night.

 

He’s supposed to swing by Geno’s place and pick him up at seven thirty the next morning so that they can get ahead of the busy morning traffic. They’ll have just about three days to relax, far away from parents, expectations, and reality. When Sidney texted Geno a few days before to let him know that Trina finally caved and was letting them go, Geno sent back a too-close selfie with his tongue peeking out from between his lips. _Good)))) can’t wait_ reads the text. Sidney looks at it now, perched on the foot of his mattress, his bare feet tapping restlessly against the cool bedroom floor. It’s past midnight, and his window is cracked open so that the night breeze trickles softly through the room and over his skin.

 

It’s a silly photo, but Geno looks soft and happy. Sidney closes his eyes and breathes heavily. He can’t decide if he’s excited for the the morning to arrive, or dreading the end of their weekend together.

 

His bag is packed, and his to-do list is complete - save for packing the perishables in a cooler - so he shifts backwards until his back hits his pillows. Lying there in silence, Sidney looks around his room and marvels at the way the walls are washed in the blue hue of nighttime. A slice of moonlight bounces across his dresser, illuminating a frame that contains a photo of him and Geno, holding their championship trophy tightly and holding each other even tighter. Pressing the heels of his hands hard into his itchy eyes, Sidney wills himself to fall asleep.

 

_____

 

Trina is surprisingly calm as Sidney heads out the next morning, early enough that the only real sounds besides Troy’s highway safety lecture are the buzzing of bees in the flowerbed and the distant hum of boats in the harbour. The sky is a smooth sheet of blue, and morning dew coats their manicured lawn so thickly that Sidney almost slips on the way to the car with his bags.

 

“Don’t forget to fill the car up,” says Troy, patting Sidney’s shoulder as Sidney shoves things around to make room for the large cooler.

 

“I’ll get gas after I get Geno,” Sidney reassures him, straightening up to close the trunk.

 

“And don’t speed just because Geno’s with you,” chimes in Trina, giving Sidney a look. She’s leaning against the porch railing, huddled in her fuzzy robe and squinting against the sun.

 

“Why would I speed because of Geno?” Sidney asks, offended. He’s a good driver.

 

“Geno speeds,” his dad deadpans.

 

“I’m not going to, though,” Sidney repeats, resisting the temptation to roll his eyes. His parents were around when Geno first got his license - it wasn’t pretty. There hadn’t been any real accidents, but Geno used to drive like an invitation to death. He’s gotten better since then, at least when Sidney’s in the car. Sidney isn’t sure whether it’s because Geno can see through his poorly veiled panic, or because he’s afraid of what Trina would do if Geno wrecked the car with Sidney in the passenger seat. Either way, it’s not something his parents need to worry about, seeing as it’s going to be Sidney behind the wheel.

 

“Alright,” Troy concedes, pulling open the door for Sidney. “Call us when you get there.”

 

He gives both of his parents a hug before hopping into the driver’s seat. Shooting them a quick thumbs-up, Sidney puts the car in drive and heads across town.

 

He has the windows down, letting the chilly air wash over him. It’s late enough in the summer now that real hot days have passed, leaving a more comfortable temperature in their wake. He won’t be able to drive with the windows down once he hits the highway, so he enjoys the fresh air while he can, before he’s limited to the artificial coolness of the AC.

 

The Malkin’s house is sitting sleepy and dark in the curve of their small cul-de-sac when Sidney pulls up. A mixture of annoyance and fondness sweeps over him. Geno, in all likelihood, is still sleeping. Sidney decides to give Geno the benefit of the doubt and wait in the car for a few minutes before he goes looking for him.

 

Without the engine rumbling, Sidney lets his eyes flutter closed and takes a few deep breaths. There’s something niggling at him, making him restless and turning his stomach into swooping chaos. He isn’t ready to say goodbye to Geno yet, and taking this trip means they’re one step closer to the end.

 

Realistically, of course, Sidney knows that having Geno at a different university a few hours away isn’t the end of the world. There’s Skype, and texting, and holidays. They’ll make do, they _have_ to make do. It makes Sidney scared to think about, as if someone could read his mind, but he knows that once they separate in September, there’s going to be a Geno-sized hole in his life that no one will ever be able to come close to filling.

 

Geno, who wormed his way into Sidney’s classroom, hockey team, and life so seamlessly it was like he was always there. Geno, who Sidney has spent every free moment with for the past ten years. Goofy, kind, exasperating, beautiful Geno, who Sidney is hopelessly in love with. Geno, who doesn’t have a clue.

 

Sidney extracts himself from the car and makes his way up the cobblestone path. There are chips in the brown stones from errant pucks that Geno’s dad hasn’t had a chance to fill in yet, and Sidney toes one of them and smiles to himself as he continues his walk to the front door. He has a spare key, has had it for years at this point, and he quietly lets himself into the house.

 

It’s just as silent in here as it was outside, and Sidney startles when Dixi appears out of nowhere and wraps herself around his leg, purring furiously.

 

“Hi,” Sidney whispers, crouching down to pet her.

 

“Why you whispering?” Geno calls loudly from down the hall, and Sidney almost falls on his ass at the jarring noise.

 

“Fuck you,” Sidney whispers, righting himself. “You did that on purpose.”

 

“Did not,” Geno replies, bounding down the stairs with his bag in one hand and a slice of toast with jam in the other. His eyes are bright, despite the time, and his arms look tan against the stark white of his t-shirt. He’s wearing his hat on backwards, blue socks, and flip flops. He looks awful and Sidney _likes_ it.  

 

“I can’t believe you’re awake,” Sidney says instead of falling into Geno’s _did too-did not_ trap.

 

“You say be ready seven thirty, is seven _forty,_ Sid. You late.”

 

Sidney shrugs, not about to tell Geno he’s been sitting in the car trying to put a cap on his decidedly not-just-friendly feelings.

 

“Are you ready to leave?” Sidney asks, standing up once Dixi wandered away, disinterested now that Sidney was paying more attention to Geno.

 

“Yeah, I’m ready. You eat breakfast, Sid?” Geno says, already turning his back on Sidney and heading down the hall towards the kitchen. He’s still talking way too loudly, and Sidney hurries after him so he doesn’t start shouting.

 

“You’re gonna wake up the whole neighbourhood, tone it down,” says Sidney. He crosses the kitchen and hoists himself onto a kitchen stool.

 

“You gonna answer my question about food?” Geno ignores him and asks even louder, but thankfully lowers his voice when Sidney sends him a disapproving look. “Mama and papa are awake, they visit babushka today so they leave already. Calm down, Sid.”

 

“I’m calm,” Sidney replies hurriedly, finally speaking at a normal volume now that he knows there’s no adults to accidentally wake up. “And no, I didn’t eat but we can- Geno, no, put that away. I’ll grab an apple out of the cooler or something,” he protests when Geno swiftly cracks a couple of eggs onto an awaiting frying pan. “We’re gonna be late.”

 

“No, we not. Is early, is not even eight. We have whole weekend together, lots of time. Not on schedule now, you know. You can worry about schedules when weekend is over.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Sidney mumbles, trying to mask the sound of his stomach grumbling. Geno does make really good eggs. He tries to focus on that instead of the stark reality that their time together will be drawing to a close in a few days, and there’s nothing he can do to stop it.

 

_____

 

The highway is busier than he had hoped it would be when they agreed on leaving as early as possible, but he can’t find a reason to be that frustrated when his stomach is full from one of Geno’s heavenly omelettes.

 

“AC is too cold,” Geno complains about ten minutes later. He reaches across to turn it off, and Sidney swats his hand away.

 

“We’ll fucking roast in here without it on, don’t even think about it,” he says when Geno looks at him imploringly.

 

“I’m cold,” Geno pouts.

 

“Unbelievable,” Sidney mutters, biting back a tiny smile. “All your stuff is in the trunk. I think I have a hoodie in the backseat if you want that.”

 

Geno eagerly reaches back and fumbles around until he grasps the sleeve of Sidney’s hoodie. It’s a little worn, a little stretched, and truthfully on it’s way out. It’s Sidney’s favourite though, so he keeps it anyways. Geno pulls it on. The sleeves are a short on his gangly arms, but he doesn’t seem to care.

 

“Sid best,” he smiles, and this time Sidney returns it with one of his own.

 

They drive, and drive, and drive, and Sidney sings along quietly to the radio while Geno wails as obnoxiously as he can. The drive isn’t a long one, two hours at most, but Geno makes Sidney stop the car a couple of times so he can stretch his legs. Sidney obliges, only because he doesn’t really like driving on the highway so this makes for a nice break.

 

The morning is quiet, and the sun hangs low and bright in the sky. The rush of traffic and Geno’s singing keeps Sid alert, and he finds himself forgetting about the looming expiration date on their time together.

 

_____

 

There’s always something eerie about pulling up the long driveway between the heavy curtain of trees that leads to the cottage. It’s not paved, so the car bounces as they slowly crawl up the twisting lane. By the time they reach the top, Sidney knows the car is going to be covered in a layer of dust from the loose pebbles. He isn’t sure why it always feels a little off upon their arrival. He thinks it probably has something to do with the way the cottage lies dormant, secluded deep in the woods, with only rabbits and foxes roaming the property for the majority of the year. At night, when they start their fire and the lights on their dock twinkle in the darkness, it leaves Sidney feeling incredibly small.

 

There are other cottages around, but none on this side of the lake, leaving them alone in the blissful quiet. Geno, however, brings a little extra noise with him wherever he goes, so when they finally pull up to the cottage and exit the vehicle, he lets out an obnoxious _whoop._ “We here!” he announces to the trees, and a flurry of birds take flight at the unexpected sound. Sidney watches their silhouettes soar across the sky, squinting against the midday sun. He jerks when Geno grabs his shoulder with his big hand and squeezes. “So happy.”

 

Sidney rolls his eyes, pops the trunk, and tries to pretend he’s not blushing. “Me too,” he says. “Here, you unlock the door and I’ll get the bags.”

 

“Should be the other way around,” Geno remarks, but takes the keys that Sidney is holding out for him. “I’m strong, and you own cottage.”

 

“I’m stronger than you,” Sidney huffs. “And this way, if there’s someone hiding inside, you can scare them off, or something.” That last bit is actually niggling at the back of Sidney’s mind. He _knows_ it’s not very nice to make Geno go inside first in case of intruders, or whatever, but Geno smirks triumphantly.

 

“Ah, see, you _know_ I’m most strong. _And_ most scary. Don’t worry,” Geno says, miming swinging a baseball bat, “I protect you, Sid.”

 

“Oh, fuck off,” Sidney laughs.

 

_____

 

It only takes the two of them one trip each to get the bags into the house. They leave them scattered across the living area while they arrange the food into the cupboards and fridge. It goes pretty smoothly, but they have a little argument about whether or not their maple syrup should be stored in the fridge. In the end, Sidney wins, and Geno slumps his shoulders in defeat while he slowly places the bottle into the cupboard.

 

“Gonna unpack,” he tells Sidney, gesturing to his duffel that’s half hidden under the coffee table.

 

“Alright,” Sidney says. “I’m gonna go walk around outside, for a bit.”

 

Geno shrugs. “Don’t get eaten by bear.”

 

“How did you know that’s what I was gonna try to do?” Sidney jokes. Geno smiles, wraps his arm around Sidney’s neck and pulls him into a faux-chokehold.

 

“You think you _so_ funny,” he snorts, his mouth too close to Sidney’s ear. His breath tickles the side of Sidney’s face, and his front is pressed up against the curve of Sidney’s back, not an inch of space between them. Sidney squirms to get away before he can do something embarrassing like pop a boner or turn around and kiss Geno.

 

“I am funny,” he grouses, and heads out the door, down the stairs, and across the grass.

 

The lake sparkles from where it sits at the bottom of the sloping hill. Their dock, old but sturdy, is still standing strong. Sidney’s dad had installed a firepit on it a few years back so that they could roast marshmallows right by the water. Sidney likes it down here, because he can look straight up and see the stars while still listening to the gentle lapping of water hit against the dock’s wooden legs. It always makes him a little dizzy, though, and he has to make sure that he’s not standing too close to the edge while he stargazes. Once, the summer he turned fourteen, he wasn’t so careful, and he went crashing down into the shallow water. It’s funny, looking back on it now, but at the time his stomach swooped and he felt terrified as his body plunged into darkness, the only thing he could see on his way down was the blackness of the sky and the faint twinkling of a few particularly bright stars. It was very disorienting, and even more humiliating because Geno was there to watch it happen.

 

“Sid!” Geno appears out of nowhere, startling him. Immediately, Sidney thanks a God he’s not sure he believes in that he doesn’t stumble off the ledge and into the chilly water.

 

“What?” Sidney asks, turning around. Geno is traipsing down the hill, nearly tripping over his own flip flops.

 

“You being careful not to fall in?” he teases, pretending to shove Sidney backwards. Sidney laughs, ducking away from Geno’s long arms. They grapple with one another, careful to steer clear from the edges of the dock. It feels nice to have Geno’s hands on him, the afternoon sun beating down on their backs while they giggle and attempt dodge each other’s reaching limbs. Eventually, they calm down, and Sidney sits down on the edge of the dock. He toes off his sneakers and lets his feet dangle above the water. He lets the soles of his feet brush the surface, swaying them back and forth slowly. Before long, Geno plops down next to him. He stretches his legs out over the edge like Sidney has, but he lays flat against the wood of the deck so that his torso and face are out of Sidney’s sight.

 

They sit there in silence for a minute before Geno says, “Oh, we have problem in cottage.”

Sidney twists around, looks down at Geno where he’s lying with his baseball hat covering his eyes. “Okay,” he says slowly. “What is it?”

 

“Come,” Geno says, quickly clambering to his feet. “I show you.”

 

_____

 

It turns out that the rainstorm they had earlier in the week wreaked some havoc on the Crosby cottage. Geno takes him into the second bedroom where he’s supposed to sleep all weekend, shows him the wet ceiling, which has evidently been dripping dirty rainwater directly onto the mattress for the last few days.

 

“Shit,” Sidney mutters. He looks around the room - the mattress seems to have taken the brunt of the damage by seemingly absorbing all the water. His parents will be happy to hear that the wooden floors had escaped harm, but it still leaves them with the problem of where Geno’s going to sleep for the next couple of nights.

 

“I know,” says Geno. “What we gonna do?” He’s shuffling his feet, like he’s nervous. Like he’s afraid Sidney’s going to say, _well, I guess we have to pack up and go home._

 

“I, well,” Sidney starts. He knows what he _wants_ to do, but he doesn’t want to suggest anything that Geno is going to think is weird. “I gotta call my dad and let him know, but he’s fixed this roof before, and it’s not supposed to rain for the next couple days, so I don’t think he’s gonna freak out, or anything.”

 

“Okay, so you call Troy. But where I’m sleep tonight?” Geno asks, gesturing to the ruined bed.

 

“With me? I mean, like, if you want? Well, not if you _want_ , um … it’s a pretty big bed,” Sidney says, fumbling with his words in a way that he normally doesn’t around Geno. “Or I can sleep on the couch, you’re taller than me, so, I’ll fit better.”

 

“Your ass too big for sleeping on couch,” Geno points out sincerely. “We can sleep in other bed, is fine with me, if you don’t mind?”

 

“Okay,” Sidney agrees, trying his very best to look like he’s not about to have an aneurism. “Okay, sure.”

 

_____

 

They ate lunch on the road, so it isn’t until supper that they take the burgers out of the freezer and fire up the barbecue. Geno is hopeless at grilling, so Sidney tells him to get the vegetables out of the fridge to cut up some tomatoes and lettuce for their buns.

 

Sidney grills while Geno chops, and they exist together in comfortable silence. Sidney steals glances at Geno when he thinks Geno isn’t looking, and he admires the slope of his nose, the veins in his forearms, the way he pokes his tongue out of his mouth while he focuses. Geno catches him looking once, smiles, says “Like what you see?”

 

“Yeah,” Sidney says, aiming for a joking tone, but he thinks it comes out softer than intended, because Geno’s face does a funny thing before he turns back to the chopping board in front of him.

 

_____

 

The night is silent, and Sidney is warm where he’s perched next to the fire. The moon shines on the still water, bright and distorted with the gentle swell of the lake. Geno’s next to him, because of course he is. Their arms touch from their shoulders down to their elbows, and Sidney takes a sip from his beer, and leans in to rest his head on Geno in a moment of foolish bravery. Geno doesn’t mind, though. He tilts his head, lays it atop of Sidney’s. Sidney can hear him humming softly, and closes his eyes. He doesn’t want this moment to end.

 

_____

 

It does, though, because nothing perfect can last forever.

 

Sidney is so disappointed about having to stand up and leave the tranquil moment by the fire that he forgets he and Geno are going to be spending the night in the same _bed_ , until they get back inside and Geno says, “What side you want?”

 

“Oh,” Sidney says, reality flooding back to him. He locks the door, checking to make sure the windows are closed and the stove is off. “It doesn’t matter to me,” he tells Geno. The clock above the fireplace says it’s just past one in the morning.

 

Geno gives him a disbelieving look. “That’s a lie,” he says.

 

“No, it’s not,” Sidney grumbles. It _is_ a lie, though. Sidney likes sleeping on the right side in the cottage, because that way he’s next to the wall. But at home, it’s the opposite, because the left side of his bed is against his wall. Sidney doesn’t know what he’s going to do when he’s an adult and it’s no longer acceptable to have one side of your bed pushed against the wall.

 

“You get wall, then,” Geno says, like he doesn’t care whether or not Sidney likes it or not, but Sidney _knows_ that Geno knows about his weird sleeping habits, so he _knows_ that Geno is saying it like that so Sidney doesn’t have to say _I’m a baby who can’t sleep unless there’s nothing behind me._

 

“Thanks,” Sid mumbles. “I’m gonna shower.” He smells like smoke, which is fine when you’re outside and there’s sticky marshmallow residue on your fingers, but not when you need to go to bed and you smell like a forest fire.

 

_____

 

By the time Sidney’s out of the shower, Geno has scooped some ice cream into bowls and is halfway through his.

 

“Cookie dough?” Sidney asks, sitting down at the table and letting his wet hair drip onto the neck of his pyjama shirt.

 

“Obviously,” says Geno with a goofy little smile, and Sidney feels his face heat up. He hopes his cheeks are still red enough from the shower that it won’t be noticeable. Geno shovels the last few spoonfuls into his mouth, and carries the bowl over to the sink to wash it up. Sidney takes a few bites of his own ice cream, watches Geno while he accidentally runs water over the wrong side of the spoon and sends it spraying all over his shirt.

 

Sidney snorts, almost choking on the spoon in his own mouth.

 

“No laughing from you, at least I’m not get so distracted by pretty stars I fall into lake,” Geno crosses his arms, trying to look mad but failing spectacularly.

 

“That was funny,” Sidney laughs, dragging a hand over his face. Geno’s mouth quirks up.

 

“I know, I’m most funny. Now, I take shower so I don’t make bed smell like smoke plate.”

 

“Ashtray,” Sidney agrees.

 

“Ashtray,” Geno repeats aloud, before mouthing it a few times as he walks out of the kitchen and into the bathroom.

 

_____

 

Sidney doesn’t wait for Geno to get out of the shower before he heads into the bedroom for two reasons. One is because he thinks it might be a little too weird, a little too _gay_ to wait for Geno to be there to climb into bed. The other reason is because Geno takes the longest showers mankind has ever seen, and Sidney doesn’t have that kind of patience, especially when he’s this exhausted.

 

The room they’re staying in does have a _really_ comfortable bed, so Sidney doesn’t feel all that bad for practically passing out the moment his head hits the pillow.

 

He wakes up a short time later to Geno trying - and failing - to quietly navigate his way to the bed in the dark. He crashes into the dresser, cursing up a storm in Russian.

 

“Just turn on a lamp, Jesus,” Sidney groans into his pillow.

 

Geno yelps, “You scared me! I’m not know you awake.”

 

“How could I possibly sleep through Hurricane Evgeni?” Sidney grumbles. “Just turn on the light, or use the flashlight on your phone, or something. Just stop being so noisy.”

 

Geno snorts. “Is still so funny when you say my name.” He turns on his phone’s flashlight, pointing it directly into Sidney’s face.

 

He must look pretty unimpressed, hair ruffled from sleep and face red where it’s been pressed into the pillow, because Geno laughs even more. “You look so offended, Sid! Don’t worry, one day I teach you how to say Zhenya right.”

 

“Great,” Sidney grumbles, but internally melts at the idea of Geno teaching Sidney how to pronounce his name. He closes his eyes, imagines a world where he calls Geno _Zhenya_ and Dream Geno swoops in and gives him a kiss, calls him _baby,_ calls him _sweetheart._ He’s knocked out of his daydream by the sensation of the mattress dipping as the real, solid, _straight_ Geno climbs into the bed next to him.

 

His eyes snap open to find Geno’s face about a foot away from his, half hidden where the pillow bunches up on either side of his head.

 

“Night, Sid,” Geno whispers.

 

“Goodnight, Geno,” murmurs Sidney.

 

_____

 

Sidney wakes up to sunlight blaring into his eyes, which is weird, because he went to sleep with the window at his back, and he never really shifts around while he’s asleep. The second odd thing he notices is the heat draped over his back. Normally, having his back to the door would make him weirdly uncomfortable and he’d flip back over immediately, but he’s not groggy enough to forget that he’s in the same bed as Geno, and he’s definitely not stupid enough to wiggle out of Geno’s grasp before it’s absolutely necessary. He doesn’t know if he’s ever going to get to experience this again, so he stays still as a statue while Geno’s hand shifts unconsciously where it’s wrapped around Sidney’s waist.

 

It’s still early, Sidney thinks, because the sun isn’t very high over the lake, and he’s still way too tired for it to be anything later than eight. Geno is guaranteed to stay asleep for a while longer - he’s the laziest person Sidney knows.

 

He feels bad, letting Geno hold him like this. Not because he _doesn’t_ like it, but _because_ he likes it. Too much. Geno doesn’t even know that Sidney likes him, is in _love_ with him, and he trusts him enough to sleep innocently next to him in bed. He doesn’t know that Sidney has never felt more comfortable, more content, than he does now, wrapped up in Geno’s embrace. It makes Sidney feel rotten.

 

He’s going to move, he tells himself. He’s going to extract himself from Geno’s grip, leave the blanket of warmth, get out of bed, and go into the kitchen, and eat cereal, or something equally bland. He’s going to, he’s about to sit up and crawl over Geno’s sleeping form as quickly and quietly as possible, but all of a sudden Geno’s hand drags Sidney back to his chest.

 

“Where you going,” Geno mumbles, voice scratchy with sleep.

 

“To get cereal,” Sidney whispers honestly. Geno makes a questioning noise, but doesn’t move his hand to let Sidney get up.

 

“Is _early_ ,” Geno says. “Stay in bed, you keep me warm.”

 

Now, _that_ really does make Sidney blush. He knows that Geno runs cold, all the time, and he’s basically the opposite, and that’s all Geno means.

 

“Alright,” Sidney agrees, probably too quickly. He shifts a bit so that his head is resting on the pillow again, tries to close his eyes and drift off. It’s hard to do, though, with the sun so bright that he can still see it through his eyelids. The fact that his back is to the door doesn’t really make relaxing any easier. He squirms a bit, trying to get comfortable.

 

“Relax, Sid,” Geno says, nuzzling his head between Sidney’s shoulders. He always has been overly affectionate when he’s sleepy.

 

Sidney huffs. “I can’t,” he says honestly, keeping his voice at the same low whisper as Geno’s.

 

“Why? What wrong?” Geno asks, sounding a little bit more awake with each question.

 

Sidney braces himself for rejection, says, “I can’t - I gotta, I gotta turn around, Geno. I can’t see the door.”

 

“Okay,” says Geno softly. “Turn, Sid.”

 

But he doesn’t move his arm. Sidney pauses, unsure how to proceed. He takes his right hand, places it atop Geno’s, which is still splayed across his stomach. “You have to, uh, let go of me,” Sidney says, embarrassed. The absolute _last_ thing he wants is for Geno to stop touching him, but he’s gotta turn over before he actually freaks out.

 

“Mm,” Geno hums. He still doesn’t let go, just loosens his grip so that his arm is merely wrapped around Sidney instead of caging him in. Sidney realizes this is the best he’s going to get out of Geno this early in the morning, so he awkwardly shuffles around until he’s on his back, and then again until he’s on his right side, the door clearly visible when he peeks over Geno’s broad shoulder.

 

“Better?” Geno asks, eyes droopy but open, looking directly at Sidney. Sidney’s eyes snap away from the door to meet Geno’s gaze.

 

“Yeah,” he answers. “Much better.”

 

“Phew,” Geno says quietly. “I’m start to think I never get back to sleep.”

 

Sidney is about to huff and call Geno lazy, or mean, or _unfairly_ cute, but then Geno’s arm tightens across Sidney’s back once again, and Sidney feels the words die on his tongue. He’s basically on top of Geno, now, their chests pressed together and their faces only inches apart. Sidney could probably count Geno’s dark eyelashes, or the flecks of gold in his eyes. He’s suddenly aware of the way their legs are entangled, how Geno’s thigh is pressed between both of Sidney’s, how Geno’s hand is fanned across the small of his back. Sidney breathes in a rickety breath, thinks he might just faint. This is just, well, it’s just a whole lot of what Sidney has always wanted but will never have.

 

Geno must notice something is bothering Sidney, because he says, “Sid?” and when Sidney is too preoccupied by the feeling of Geno completely surrounding him to respond, repeats himself. “Sidney?”

 

Sidney can feel himself getting _hard._

 

“I’m so sorry,” Sidney blurts, face flaming. He wants to get up, spare himself and Geno the embarrassment of letting this go on any further, but Geno’s arm is unrelenting. His hand slips under the hem of Sidney’s shirt and rubs slow circles into Sidney’s skin.

 

“Why you sorry?” Geno asks, confused. Sidney breaks eye contact, looks desperately at the door across the room. Geno’s faster than him, and he’ll definitely be able to stop him from leaving. Sidney is stuck.

 

Sidney decides to bite the bullet. “I’m hard,” he hisses, mortified.

 

Geno’s eyebrows shoot up, his eyes suddenly wide and very awake. Sidney wants to _die._ Suddenly, before Sidney can understand what’s happening, Geno’s hand slips from his back to his ass, gives it a _squeeze._

 

“You not hard, you squishy,” says Geno.

 

“ _Geno!”_ Sidney practically shrieks while his treacherous dick gets even harder in his sweats. “That’s, that’s not what I mean,” he says, unsure if something’s been lost in translation.

 

“I’m know,” Geno says simply. “I’m just always want to do that.”

 

“What?” Sidney blurts, completely lost. “You’re not mad? I’m, I’ve literally got a fucking boner, Geno, I’m serious.”

 

“Me too,” says Geno, like he’s telling Sidney that he likes hot chocolate, or playing shinny.

 

Sidney opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again. He isn’t sure what to say - is he even awake, right now? Is this some weird, heartbreaking dream?

 

Geno smiles, a small thing that wouldn’t even be noticeable to someone who hasn’t spent as much time looking at Geno’s face as Sidney has. Geno’s hand, the one that’s been on Sidney’s _ass_ for the past minute, comes up to cup Sidney’s cheek hesitantly. He inches minutely closer. Sidney remains frozen, his eyes darting wildly from Geno’s eyes to his lips.

 

Geno’s thumb sweeps across Sidney’s cheek, coming to rest at his temple. Sidney can still feel the path it took after it’s left his skin. It’s _searing._ Sidney thinks he might just explode. He’s probably going to _die_ , right here, in this bed, wrapped up in an old quilt, with sunlight pouring in through the window and Geno’s hands holding him like he’s precious.

 

Everything feels fuzzy, like he’s not really here, but then Geno leans in and his lips press softly against Sidney’s, and it’s like every happy feeling he’s ever had sweeps through his body like a wave. It’s crazy, it’s absolutely _crazy_ that this is happening, and it takes a moment for Sidney’s brain to get with the program and get his lips to start moving. The kiss doesn’t last long, but Sidney is trapped underneath Geno by the time it’s over. Geno practically gives off heat like a radiator despite his constant complaints of being cold, and Sidney arches up into the warmth of his body, slowly traces his hand up the side of Geno’s face, curls his fingertips into Geno’s dark hair.

 

Their mouths part, and Geno hastily wipes away a bit of saliva that connect them. Sidney laughs, thinks he couldn’t possibly be any redder than he is right now, but then Geno shifts so that Sidney can _feel_ him, hot and hard and definitely just as into this as Sidney is, and then Sidney has to bite back a groan.

 

“Sid,” Geno whispers, seemingly just as amazed at their current situation as Sidney is.

 

“I’m,” Sidney starts, not sure what to say. Geno looks down at him, giggles, hides his face against Sidney’s neck, presses a few open mouthed kisses to the skin beneath his ear. Sidney tilts his head and lets Geno press kisses across his neck, over his jaw, back to his lips, where he bestows a series of chaste kisses before raising his head to look Sidney in the eyes.

 

“I’m so happy,” says Geno, and Sidney has to work really hard to not do something ridiculous like start crying.

 

“Me too,” he whispers, wraps his hands around Geno’s back, smiles like a fool.

 

_____

 

That night, Sidney sits next to Geno on the dock, lets his toes drag through the chilly water as he looks up at the stars, so bright and so far away. Geno, though, is right next to him. Solid and steady, funny and sweet, part of Sidney that he knows he’s going to carry with him forever.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on tumblr @[sociophonetic](http://www.sociophonetic.tumblr.com)


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